I know, closure, is a word that, "every thereapist talks about", at least eveyone I have ever seen. I do think it is a substantial step, in order to move forward.
I am not about blame, for my failures, because that can become and easy excuse? I do believe that we all suffer, hardship and unfairness; at some point in our lives! Those terms may seem mild, to the brutality so many people suffer, and I am not saying that we don't have the right to feel pain, or be angry and tentative about who we love and trust. Its the, "chip on our sholders", that can hold us back, or prevent us from moving forward!
I don't want to go off onto a tangent, but the point of this blog was to; "put my past behind me", tell the truth and move forward! Look, I am happy now. I made poor choices, and we talked about that, in my first blog.
I did go on to get another job, and than another! You may ask, why would you do that? I was in fear of losing my family, and felt an obligation to my husband; because of my poor financial decisions.I ended up being laid off, again and again, as the economy declined. I also beleive my, "cut throat", sales attitude had been forever changed, after getting a taste of what I was desperatly missing, my young children, and being loved for being just me.
I did pick up the slack; got the family health insurance, became the Queen of, "DO IT YOURSELF". I made lots of mistakes, but, learned from them. I lost the weight I gained, from eating on the road and being depressed. I finally started gaining some self confidenced, I was moving forward and feeling like I had purpose; I became a volunteer and mother, the kids loved me and I loved them, the new friends I made, became my support system/"my village". I was appreciated for the first time in my life, and none of it had to do with, "financial gain"!
Remember the, "Good Guinea Wife, Guide to Weight Loss"? I dropped 60 lbs without the gym, I started cooking my own food. I started lifting mulch and doing my own home repairs. I became empowered as a homeowner; because, I had taken responsibility for owning a home!
The bomb dropped; after my husband couldn't afford the mortage payments. I didn't know, he had stopped making those payments and we were now in jeporady of losing our home. This is the home that I had finally taken responsibility for and had renewed my self confidence to believe I could accomplish, more than; "selling ice to an Escimo"?
Ok this is starting to get heavy, but at least I am highlighting the parts of the past that i need to, "leave behind". I am going to give it a rest for tonight, because, I want to keep it truthful and real. Good night, and I will finish, after I can clear my head!